Eight of Wands

BOUQUET FOR A PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE PULL SET TO FIRE
by Orchid Cugini

after Christian Holden

In the face of a great wave, I carry my anxious heart like a bag of
marbles. The soundtrack of clanking glass tessellates from the shore.
It’s my fault: entire cities collapse; people drown. But fuck the horror
of it all. Singing birds tell me tear these buildings down and I am no
longer afraid of the dynamite-lined walls of my tortured lungs. If
being born near the edge of a cursed river has taught me anything it’s
that survival is a concrete noun: home, house, eloquence. I am
constantly being chased by a pack of wolves named trauma and yet I
exist in this forest with a trembling fist & a frantic urge to make me
beautiful. A glittering faith. A gorgeous tumor. I did not come here to
be nourished but I do. On the eve of my 35th birthday, a petite fawn
crawls out of my thigh & buries her auburn head into my lap. Blame
softly she tells me but don’t blame yourself. Stay with me. I’m going to
keep us safe.

Orchid Cugini (they/she) is a nonbinary trans woman and bratty soft domme from Staten Island, New York. They are the founder of Big Lucks, a co-organizer of Whale Prom, and a member of the Best Buds! Collective. Police abolition now. BOUQUET FOR A PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE PULL SET TO FIRE was first published in Dreginald.